Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

Misers are neither relations, nor friends, nor citizens, nor Christians, nor perhaps even human beings.

I just try and do the best with every role I get to do. Hopefully the experience in itself is a good experience and people will want to work with me.

When it comes to the game of life, I figure I've played the whole course.

At the bottom of at least popular Marxism there has always been a kind of disgust with humanity as it is and a perfect faith in humanity as it is to be.

There is in guerrilla warfare no such thing as a decisive battle; there is nothing comparable to the fixed, passive defense that characterizes orthodox war.

I’ve always had a big crush on Arjun Rampal. He’s so damn good looking

I'll tell you about it because I am here and you are distant.

I'm half Scotch-Irish on both sides, and when I lose my temper-brother, I go.