Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.

The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

Shake and shake the catsup bottle none will come and then a lot'll.

If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?

I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don't like being spied on.

No misery compares to staring at a clear night's sky with arms stretched toward a coveted star, wishing on what is forever out of reach.

I love you times infinity.”“Ditto, babe.” He kissed me softly.

Harriet van Horne He makes love to me expertly, mechanically, coldly... He's pressing all my buttons, as if I were a pocket calculator.

Nature has no Laws — only habits.

I got a part as a chorus girl in a show called Every Sailor and I had fun doing it. Mother didn't really approve of it, through.

Being reviewed is being condescended to by your inferiors.

Nothing has changed the nature of man so much as the loss of silence.

Mercy," said my mother thoughtfully, "you never told me your werewolf neighbor was quite that hot.

The funnier the material, the funnier I could make it.