Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

You gain control over any situation with a positive outlook.

A writer should never be brief at the expense of being clear.

if you get married they think you're finished and if you are without a woman they think you're incomplete.

For those who are still merely vegetarian and not yet vegan, I ask, what in heaven's name are you waiting for?

Evil thought is a dangerous pet. It is safer to play with it from behind the iron bars of circumstance.

Was he a doper or was he just a loser?

I don't like rock opera with back beats.

The jargon of authenticity ... is a trademark of societalized chosenness, ... sub-language as superior language.