Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

Until you go to Kentucky and with your own eyes behold the Derby, you ain't never been nowhere and you ain't seen nothin'!

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

The success is like an umbrella. It has wires in it called faith. It has no meaning if there is no rain and storm called ebbs and flows of life.

Poetry is a good medium for revolutionary hope.

The cafeteria made him feel like an observer rather than a participant in the high school experience.

We believe in personal choice, rather than society dictating how we must live our lives.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

Appetite comes with eating.

[H]appy or miserable, life is the only blessing which man possesses[.

I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

There's no magic numbers in birthdays in my life, there are no milestones, there's no event. Every birthday has to be celebrated to its fullest, even if it's with one person or with 20.

For seventeen hundred years the Christian sect has done nothing but harm.