Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

A philosopher is a man who can look at an empty glass with a smile.

A teetotaller is one who suffers from thirst instead of enjoying it.

The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.

Sometimes doing nothing is doing something.

Of two evils, choose the more interesting.

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.

Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.

We have a great regard for old age when it is bottled.

Respectability is the state of never being caught doing anything which gives you pleasure.

Life is a one-way street and you're not coming back.

To find and enjoy profound happiness, learn from nature and emulate her stoic calmness.

Nothing is so unproductive as the law. It is expensive whether you win or lose.

Thanks be to God, not--only for 'rivers of endless joys above, but for 'rills of comfort here below.'

Anybody can be ambitious.

To lose what we have never owned might seem an eccentric bereavement, but Presumption has its own affliction as well as claim.

Everything in life that's meaningful takes effort - takes vitality. You have to work at it. And God helps them who help themselves...help you.

It seems like there'd be no Donald Trump without the internet, first of all. He's a tweeter, which is basically just a bullhorn.

A leader must inspire or his team will expire.

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

In its more authoritarian forms, religion punishes questioning and rewards gullibility. Faith is not a function of stupidity, but a frequent cause of it.