Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

We hated each other so well and loved each other so badly...

You are the posterity of your family. You are either continuing the progression or regression of your ancestors.

We will never know true bliss while our lifestyles are reliant on the misery and suffering of others.

On many of the great issues of our time men have lacked wisdom because they have lacked courage.

It is more important to detect corruption than fiction.

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

Why's it so sunny?" she repeated. Zooey observed her rather narrowly. "I bring the sun wherever I go, buddy," he said.

the construction of a communist society would be completed 'in the main' by 1980

A nation that combines the America predilection towards violence, the American stockpile of weapons and the American lack of empathy for the earth's humiliated peoples is a dangerous nation.

There is no almost in giving your all.