Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running, and I'm almost certainly retiring, so I don't care.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, And in its place you can installA lovely bookshelf on the wall.Then fill the shelves with lots of books.

Love cost its like working a full time job you got to put work and effort into it, and that's why it fails with a lot of people because they on the job part time !!! #GeminiStatus

Humans are not simply higher than Gods, Gods are mere mystical representations of the humans themselves.

It is not the absence of sin but the grieving over it which distinguishes the child of God from empty professors

Sooner or later everything that exists ceases to exist, and then something comes along to take its place, but not always something better.

'Style Strategy' is about shopping smart, staying chic and making it all last. It's about showing women how to shop for value without compromising style.

There's not someone who tells you how adorable you are and rubs your head and goes into a crowded press conference and stands at the back and winks at you so that you think, 'I can get through this.'

Luxury... corrupts at once rich and poor, the rich by possession and the poor by covetousness.

Sometime, It's easier to love someone with flaws you can forgive in return for them forgiving yours.

One half of my life has put the other half in the grave.