Modern American marriage is like a wire fence. The woman's the wire -the posts are the husband's.

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins.

And the most beautiful words ever spoken, I have not yet said to you.

She came as everything I had dreamed of. <3And the worst part? She remained a dream. :')

I—though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment—was my usual dignified self.

If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one.

I'm the guy with the good attitude towards menstruation.

You ought certainly to forgive them as a Christian, but never to admit them in your sight, or allow their names to be mentioned in your hearing.

Everyone loves Disney, it just has a special place in everyone's heart

If the Good Lord made a mistake in us people it was in making us want to live when we’ve got the least excuse for it.

I remember saying, very almost jokingly, I'm going to take over the world through television, that's my plan. And I said it to my agent, and I said it to my friends, and I said it to myself.

I'm a massive fan of Drake, and we walked right past him. He's too cool to be clapping One Direction though.