Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

But pessimism and reality are usually mistaken for each other

I believe in intuition and inspiration...at times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason.

To him, who still would gaze upon the glory of the summer sun, there comes, when that sun will from him part, a sullen hopelessness of heart.

I fundamentally believe in term limits, for Congress, presidents, and board members.

My mother use to call me 'Miss Perpetual Motion' because I rarely keep still.

There's many, many ways to write a song. But generally, sitting down at a table and writing is not one of them.

As a matter of fact. I think I actually frighten men. I think I scare the hell out of them time after time.

To suggest that it's OK to assassinate a president, I think is a felony. And I think that it should be.

Anything that is not autobiography is plagiarism.

My mother was the biggest influence on me, without question.