Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

The night sky made her feel infinite before she knew the word.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

It’s hard to drink when you dance. And it’s hard to dance when you drink.

There's no substitute for loyalty.

It's time for you to know who you are

I'm making tapes for insomniacs to use in the future. I'm going to sell them as a kit to cure insomnia.

Maybe we all need to leave our children with a value legacy, and not a financial one. A value for things with a personal touch - an autographed book, a soul-searching letter.

Let us never forget that terrorism at its heart, at its evil heart, is a psychological war. It endeavors to break the spirit and the resolve of those it attacks by creating a lose-lose situation.

My characters tend to be people who are looking back on a life lived, their joys, their regrets.

By every remove I only drag a greater length of chain.