Money can't buy happiness—but it can buy beer.

I had never liked bullying of any sort, especially when an individual acquires his courage by becoming part of a faceless mob. I always say if you need fake courage, get it out of a bottle like I do.

... occasionally I see rich-looking women on Rollerblades gripping leashes and being towed bodily by golden retrievers. That's my kind of jogging.

A lot of artists start out as failed poets, then move on to being failed short-story writers before they finally break through to the big time and become failed novelists.

Being a cab river is not unlike being a magician--minus the top hat, the cape, the rabbit, an the gorgeous assistant. But you do have an audience.

Adverbs and cops always come in pairs.

I was in the land of fakes and frauds and phonies-I felt like saying “Howdy cousin,” to everybody who walked by.

It's a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human being might read your words someday.

I've been broke, and I've been in debt, and broke is better.

I was driving pretty much the way everyone drives in LA, like elephants dancing on each others’ backs at a circus.

She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That's a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.

Knowledge offers you strength. Wisdom promises you influence. Understanding assures you wealth. Love guarantees you power.

self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice.

The eye is diverted from the real business, it is caught by the spectacular action that means nothing--nothing at all.

As pathetic as it was, she'd rather hold on to the possibility of something perfect than be hit with the reality of nothing much.

Thinking should become your capital asset, no matter whatever ups and downs you come across in your life.

Prosperity engenders sloth.

We do our work for Jesus and with Jesus. It's not a matter of praying some times and working others. We pray the work.

Disease is the tax which the soul pays for the body, as the tenant pays house-rent for the use of the house.

Even if you accept the theory of man-made climate change, wind turbines are a rotten way to reduce CO2 emissions, or to improve energy security.

I write most of my songs when I'm in a bad mood.