Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

He who knows how will always work for he who knows why.

Alone among businesses, the fossil-fuel industry is allowed to dump its main waste, carbon dioxide, for free.

Liberty's chief foe is theology.

I'm not interested in an imaginary world

Confidence is the most important quality in all athlete-coach relationships.

Dreams are real. This is unreal. This world is unreal. Everybody has it backwards. This is the dream. This is an insubstantial pageant. Nothing here lasts - that is how you know it's the dream.

As long as that spark of passion is missing there is no human significance in the performance.

You can't get there alone. In fact, you can't get very far at all.

Now I'm more behaved, I think it's age, you get older, more responsible, more quiet. But if I would want to dye my hair, for example red or blue, be sure that I'll dye it!

Murderers very often start out by killing and torturing animals as kids.

I am always urging my students to honor their writing practice, to set up a schedule.