More and more, it feels like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself.

Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.

Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?

You know, the condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip it on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, then you throw it away.

If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.

The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up.

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

You have to be brave when you are stupid.

Peanut butter is a poor man’s marmalade.

And sometimes when I feel that much emotion, something inside of me just snaps.

Greed robs you of more value than the price of what you've gained.

I could be a morning person -- but only if morning started at noon!

A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it.

I was just thrown out of the barista parlor. Came to close to the Slayer. Amazing place!

Survival is the ability to swim in strange water.

Theres a lot of blowhards in the political process, you know, a lot of hot-air artists, people who have got something fancy to say.

Acting definitely makes me feel so remarkably alive.