Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you

We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.

Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?

Let's call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.

Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!

Alone also means available for someone outstanding.

The only way to succeed in life is to never give up. Oftentimes, it requires standing alone.

When someone is delusional, he or she can do anything to justify his or her beliefs.

The balls it took to proclaim a creative profession, the narcissism.

Deep down I know I could never be that innocent again, however much I'd like to be.

There's many a good tune played by an old banjo.

I love to smoke. I wish I had more than two hands so I can hold more cigars

Reduction! One wants to say more than nature and one makes the impossible mistake of wanting to say it with more means than she, instead of fewer.

Said Aristotle unto Plato, 'Have another sweet potato?' Said Plato unto Aristotle, 'Thank you, I prefer the bottle.'

I'm being unfairly targeted by a bunch of hacks and haters.

Japan and China are isolated and without intercourse with other countries; hence the President directed me to attend to or watch the state of affairs in China also.