Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

In life, I have learnt that the more I learnt about life, the sadder I became and the sadder I became the desire to learn about life increased.

I'm doing now with cornets exactly what I used to do with trilobites: measuring, analyzing and cataloging the myriad gradations of their forms.

Past is dead Future is uncertain; Present is all you have, So eat, drink and live merry.

I didn't understand the American fascination with the Japanese schoolgirl. No, I don't think I can, really.

Folk parapsychology, an art and science designed to enable people to make effective use of their psychic talents

What's most interesting to me is when [Tony DiNozzo] is just madly inappropriate.

America has spent too long interfering oversees in too many other people's wars, and too much other stuff.

What you teach us to do is good; what you teach us to believe is silly.

In my opinion, all relationships between people have some sort of violence, and it is central.

I got exposed to so many different cultures and people.