Most modern comedy is crap.

I'm waiting for the time when I fail - because we all fail - and I'm ready, I'll take up carpentry.

We had so much fun in Ghana and they are really lovely people.

Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

You're entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

I remember once having to stop performing when I thought an elderly man a few rows back from the front was actually going to die because he was laughing so hard.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.

Discovery Determines The System Of Education

When we make a habit of expressing love and gratitude our world expands into something beautiful.

There is a little word that we can say to others now. "Thank You Very Much".

The less you need, the more you live

Be content with your lot one cannot be first in everything.

I think if I try to develop a formula, it ends up not working.

If you're only happy when the sun is out, you're missing half of your life.

We hew and saw and plane facts to make them dovetail with our prejudices, so that they become mere ornaments with which to parade our objectivity.

You write your first draft with your heart and you re-write with your head. The first key to writing is to write, not to think.