Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Successful people don't have fewer problems. They have determined that nothing will stop them from going forward.

Are you going to hand your children over to Big Food, Big Med and Big Pharma? That journey begins with the choice to bottle feed, then it's all down hill from there.

My purpose of life is very simple

Smitt walked up next to James and watched the planet slowly grow larger. "They say the water used to be so blue you could see it from space.

A sage benefits from his mistakes more than a fool benefits from his triumphs.

Cynicism is humor in ill health.

When someone says, 'I love you,' he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, 'I hate you,' she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views-literally.

It is all about the quality of the communication, not the quantity.

There are many movies that have done it very badly. The studios have gone for quick profits and audiences are feeling angry. People aren't taking the time and spending the money to do it right. I am.

When you are painting a landscape, assume the painting is real and the landscape is an illusion.