Most of those who make collections of verse or epigram are like men eating cherries or oysters: they choose out the best at first, and end by eating all.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.

The sunset glow of self-possession.

There are more people who wish to be loved than there are who are willing to love.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed.

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.

Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.

Intelligent people make many mistakes because they cannot believe the world is really as foolish as it is.

Society is divided into two classes, the shearers and the shorn.

It is not the years that count

He's so dumb he couldn't find his way out of a birth canal.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

When I was at Porto my team also played in the UEFA Cup final against a Scottish side - but it was Celtic. I've never seen such emotional people. It was unbelievable!

Yesterday is a cancelled check; Tomorrow is a promissory note; Today is the only cash you have, so spend it wisely.

When you talk about entitlement programs, it's not just about - it's not about cutting those programs. It is about saving those programs. Those programs are on a path of fiscal unsustainability.

It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't.

Nay, droop not, fellows; innocence should be bold.

How beautiful is night! A dewy freshness fills the silent air; No mist obscures, nor cloud, nor speck, nor stain, Breaks the serene of heaven.

I actually think I have an audience member's sensibility about going to the movies.