Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

I can see criticizing, complaining, protesting - anything but choosing not to vote. Too many people died for us not to vote.

When families can afford the basics, they can reinvest in their communities, and higher wages means a broader consumer base for businesses.

I don't know why, but I respond well to tortured characters.

American troops have not only occupied Ulster but are arriving in increasing numbers in England.

I can tell you one thing. I've done this my way. I don't have anybody to blame for this win but me, and I love it.

I'm a con artist in that I'm an actor. I make people believe something is real when they know perfectly well it isn't.

Power is what they like - it is the greatest of all aphrodisiacs.

I started selling corn dogs, ended up in the music industry. That's how it all started.

In a region with a growing population, if you're doing nothing, you're losing ground.

One truth discovered is immortal, and entitles its author to be so; for, like a new substance in nature, it cannot be destroyed.