Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

the story of liberty is a history of the limitation of a government power, not the increase of it.

It was love, the real thing, nothing less or different.

We must resist in-group thinking and practice seeing every soul as a brother or sister in a larger grouping of humans on earth.

If you don't stand for something, how can anyone respect what you do?

All Hollywood corrupts; and absolute Hollywood corrupts absolutely.

There's a built-up tension in religion, and if you can release it, you'll get a huge and satisfying laugh.

Men who neglect philosophy while busying themselves with ordinary affairs are like the Suitors [in the Odyssey] who desired Penelope but went to bed with her maids.

To me coming up short as a team and for me not having a great particular game was tough to swallow, but your life doesn't end there. You must put your life into perspective and keep moving on.

I am in competition with no one. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone. I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday.

Whoever claims to be smart, but does not concentrate on the Hereafter, is lying.