Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

. . .and he has nevergiven up his conviction that if you just try all the doors one of them is bound to be the Door intoSummer. You know, I think he is right.

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

What is it about actors? God knows I get bored with actors talking about themselves.

Weapons are less harmful than words.

Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines.

Why should I feel lonely? is not our planet in the Milky Way?

No more pronouncements on lousy verse. No more hidden competition. No more struggling not to be a square.

This is the one great idea to understand that our power is already ours, our salvation is already within us.

If you are animated by right principles, and are fully awakened to the true dignity of life, the subject of amusements may be left to settle itself.

In time of crisis people want to know that you care, more than they care what you know