Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If you bungle raising your children I don't think whatever else you do matters very much.

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared to believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.

In whatever you are doing, be one: body, soul, mind. Do it beautifully and with purity.

Dogs are more loyal. Cats are fickle.

What really matters is what you believe.

[Hillary Clinton] is going to raise taxes $1.3 trillion.

I enjoy being on my own. I feel like I have more room to stretch. I have to go with the flow.

Mr. Speaker, less than 10 percent of our Nation's children walk or ride their bicycles to school, and too many schools continue to invite fast-food vendors into their cafeterias.

America's always had a real passion for lunatic movements. That's one of the things we're probably known for around the world, I would imagine.

I turn over a lot of money for a lot of people and I'm the smallest fish in it