Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Even before we met and long after we're both gone, my heart lives inside of yours. I'm forever and ever in love with you.

Art corrupts. Absolute art corrupts absolutely. Please corrupt me absolutely.

I delight in what I fear.

When I was in school I used to prank my teachers all the time. But I was really, really nice. I love to make people laugh. And even in those pranks, the teachers would laugh most of the time.

The future is an imagined Now, a projection of the mind.

Thorough selfishness destroys or paralyzes enjoyment. A heart made selfish by the contest for wealth is like a citadel stormed in war, utterly shattered.

We are not taught to be thinkers, but reflectors of our culture. Let's teach our children to be thinkers.

Everyone needs fudge, Hildy. It's how God helps us cope.

Master of Life is the person who is best at keeping the brutal scars of life to a minimum!

Wherever there is power, there is very great responsibility to utilize it properly.