Mrs. Patrick Cambell is an aged British battleship sinking rapidly and firing every available gun on her rescuers.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!

The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

To all things clergic I am allergic.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

Being able to read a book in another language is a source of ego-stroking pride.

What is the mass of a feeling? What is its wavelength, its position on the electromagnetic spectrum?

But you can count the dead bodies from alcohol, tobacco, and legal pharmaceuticals by the millions.

Don't speculate unless you can make it a full time job.

Well, I'll put it this way: you can certainly say belief in God makes people behave worse. That can be proved beyond a doubt.

O who knows what slumbers in the background of the times?

Even people who counted their blessings never counted them in the morning. For one thing, there wasn't time.

Every decision you make ... is a decision about Who You Are.

I won't be indulging in anger anymore, vehemently and self-righteously singing protest songs, and expecting them to bring peace to me or anyone else.