My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for.

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

That person staring back at you when you look in the mirror... that's your competition.

If you know who you are and know that you live to achieve goals in keeping with who you are, it does not matter if people give you compliments or not

Duration is not a test of true or false.

I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war.

Once someone has had the good fortune to share a true love affair with a Golden Retriever, one's life and one's outlook is never quite the same.

Somebody else's ignorance is bliss.

Give the American people a good cause, and there's nothing they can't lick.

We all have other halves, and when they're feeling bad, we get a little piece of the pain

Here is the reality - as I've been saying for longer than I can remember, Scott Walker is a mediocre county executive who has risen far beyond his talents.

Time clocks rob the world of wild possibility. That's what they're for.