My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

Warm familiar scents drift softly from the oven, And imprint forever upon our heartsThat this is homeand that we are loved.

Erik: Are you very tired?Christine: Oh, tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead.Erik: Your soul is a beautiful thing, child. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept to-night.

November is auspicious in so many parts of the country: the rice harvest is already in, the weather starts to cool, and the festive glow which precedes Christmas has began to brighten the landscape.

A real gentleman, even if he loses everything he owns, must show no emotion. Money must be so far beneath a gentleman that it is hardly worth troubling about.

We're all so damned fragile.

You can say the opposite of something you've said but you can't do the opposite of something you've done.

Religion is just coded spirituality.

If I do not respond to some situation, my conscience kills me. I believe in permissible violence, not necessarily non-violence.

As the Trump presidency goes on, there will be a transcendency of power and culture and vision from the music scene, the art world that will find a voice and give hope to us all.

I think people should read fairy tales, because were hungry for a mythology that will speak to our fears.