My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.

I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.

I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three years.

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

Never abandon your calling or go outside your purpose

Children don't drop out of high school when they are 16, they do so in the first grade and wait 10 years to make it official.

Whole phases of comedy have become empty; the comic rejoinder has become every man's tool.

Mostly what I listen to when I turn on my little iPod is opera.

Crisis is the path to happiness. Decay and disintegration do not spell doom, but ascent and beginning. The powerful forces of a new creation operate in the hush beyond the noise of the day.

I think the good news is that our team understands the positon they're in. If they want to win a division or a conference, they're going to have to fix their mistakes.

I learned to walk as a baby, and I haven't had a lesson since.

Give the enemy an inch, hell take a yard.

I only like to write shows that I feel like no one has seen before.

Hell is paved with good samaritans.