My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

it doesn't matter if Prince Charles falls off his horseor that the hummingbird is so seldomseenor that we are too senseless to goinsane.coffee. give us more of that NOTHINGcoffee.

I like guys with a sense of humor who smile a lot and are kind.

There was one moment when J. Edgar Hoover and us had the same distorted lens about who we were - "a real threat," you know? He thought so and we thought so and we were buddies in that regard.

Staying in shape does not come easily, especially as you get older and you don't have as much time or energy to exercise.

Governance should be designed as an equalizer. Democrats are more inclined towards working families and those who are struggling for a better life.

One of the regime's most important tactics is the creation of a third force in the country.

The only excuse for war is that we may live in peace unharmed.

Personally, I am a church-going Christian. I love my church, my congregation; it's my favorite place to be.

It's amazing that no matter how much money you have, you can make some bad decisions, and in five months you're on the street, begging.

You don't want to be rude but you have to be careful - there are a lot of strange people out there. (Goldman attributes this quote to Cliff Robertson.)