My big influences are piano artists like Billy Joel and Elton John.

I think comedians start off as pranksters or something.

A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see.

My doctor told me i had Attention Deficit Disorder. He said, 'ADD is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah,' I didn't pay attention to the rest.

I have a swastika tattoo on my arm, but it's just because I like right-hand turns.

I think a bird is the worst present you can give somebody because it's guilt-ridden. This animal has the gift of flight, and you put it in a cage and watch it not do that until it dies.

I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating.

I like to edit; I like to work with other people, and that's something stand-up doesn't really have.

Very specifically, Nickelodeon is aimed at eight- and nine-year-olds.

Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies.

Nobody can stand between you and knowledge if you are fit for it.

It is better to have ten skeletons in your closet, than walk with no bones.

Philosophy bakes no bread

Working on your biceps? Try chopping down a cherry tree.

Bright was the summer of 1296. The war which had desolated Scotland was then at an end.

The Lord has given us a table at which to feast, not an altar on which a victim is to be offered; He has not consecrated priests to make sacrifice, but servants to distribute the sacred feast.

One more point I'll just make about [Michael] Flynn is that we're already seeing, and we've seen Democrats come forward and start to express their opposition.

Humor, together with irony,forms a safeguard against idolatry.

Differences are scarier now. The dollar isn't so guaranteed if you don't follow what they see as the norm. But I don't moan about it. I just keep working.

I was trying to be an entrepreneur at seven years old.