My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

If Christians always seemed to be the most intelligent and the most righteous of men, I'd be a skeptic.

It is our eyes that blind us and our ears that deafen us.

What we can say for sure is that, at the very least, God calls every Christian to live with a missionary heart.

Rosemary felt that this swim would become the typical one of her life, the one that would always pop up in her memory at the mention of swimming.

I've learned at the book signings that everyone has obstacles.

Anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority.

Sunday, that day so tedious to the triflers of earth, so full of beautiful reposes of calmness and strength for the earnest and heavenly minded.

Honor and fortune exist for him who always recognizes the neighborhood of the great, always feels himself in the presence of high causes.

Failing my driving test first time; that was a disappointment on a geological scale.

Writers who used to show off their erudition no longer sing in the bare ruined choir of the media.