My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

God does not care where you pray. He only cares what is in your heart.

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own having a dog makes you rich.

I have often had occasion to notice how, where a direct question would fail to elicit a response, a false assumption brings instant information in the form of a contradiction.

All the girls today want to be famous, but they haven't earned their spurs.

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

Chris Martin is more of a musician and hasn't really put himself out there as a television host or anything like that.

It's crazy how every guitarist is their own worst critic in many ways.

By ending the Hussein regime, the United States has taken away yet another incubator of terrorism.

During times like these, the wise are influential.

As a son of a man who pretended to be one thing for 33 years of my life and then was another thing, the questions of 'what is real' and 'what is not real' are very blurrily vivid to me.