My brother and I tortured my mother growing up.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

Each moment in time we have it all even when we think we don't.

There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delirium was the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for him.

Some people are so methodical that that is all they are or ever will be.

Any obsession is dangerous.

The sciences have ever been the surest guides to virtue.

love is the only thing we have to save us

Skin cancer became personal to my family when my father was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma.

I'm bringing what I've always wanted: film quality work on television. That's the way it should be.

Satire doesn't effect change.

This book should be read as one would read the book of a dead man.