My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I want to share in endless ways, My expression of love for you, I'm no longer the beast of burden, Twas lifted when I fell for you.

it's my responsibility to cultivate the man in my son. I can't be passive about that.

Our civilization ... is not devaluing its awareness of the unknowable; nor is it deifying it. It is the first civilization that has severed it from religion and superstition. In order to question it.

Our humanity is a poor thing, except for the divinity that stirs within us.

My mom used to wear the fragrance Poison when I was younger, and I remember that scent and the purple bottle. That was my first [perfume] memory.

‎ When a person is born we rejoice, and when they're married we jubilate, but when they die we try to pretend nothing has happened.

Hendrix inspired me, but I was still more into Wes Montgomery. I was also into the Allman Brothers around the time of those albums.

Before you can come to know your purpose, you must come to know yourself.

I used to go to rave parties, too, but I was never savvy with techno.

The dinner table is a lively debate, and everybody weighs in in a different way. I like that, though.