My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Delighting in the Lord alters the desires.

Well, no athlete respects a big, fat coach who's going to stand there and rest the watch on his stomach.

I feel very strongly that young women have regressed a little bit. But I do get all preachy about it.

Evolution writ large is the belief that a cloud of hydrogen will spontaneously invent extreme-ultraviolet lithography, perform Swan Lake, and write all the books in the British Museum.

We're animals. We're violent.

Yes. The whole point about laughter is it's like mercury: you can't catch it, you can't catch what motivates it - that's why it's funny.

It takes struggle, a goal and enthusiasm to make a champion.

I like to try new things.

Nothing makes me happier than dancing. It transforms me. It's the only time I let out what is inside and I feel completely sensual and sexy and alive.