My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Book burnings. Always the forerunners. Heralds of the stake, the ovens, the mass graves.

I don't think there's any artist of any value who doesn't doubt what they're doing.

Jazz music just resonates with the frequency of me.

The victor is often vanquished by his own success.

Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity.

The greatest threat to your ministry, dear brothers, is that you lose your joy in God.

The first time someone called me a role model, I remember thinking, 'What does that mean?' But I feel aware of it when I'm reading scripts.

I can make beleive I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see that without you in my life is complete.

This is the great challenge: to maintain passion for the everyday routine and the endlessly repeated act, to derive deep gratification from the mundane.

The danger of psychedelic drugs, the danger of mind-opening, the danger of consciousness expansion, the danger of inner discovery is a danger to the establishment.