My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Art can only progress towards its own self-annihilation.

When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

I believe that everyone deserves love, and sometimes looking outside your own culture is a good way to find it.

I didn't rebel as a child. I missed that angry teenager thing.

Prayer is not a device for getting our wills done through heaven, but a desire that God's will may be done on earth through us.

I just told you I wasn't a Satanist

Happiness is a solid and joy is a liquid.

There's a bit of the kid in me.

The little and short sayings of nice And excellent men are of great value, like the dust of gold, or the least sparks of diamonds.

To speak of it would be giving importance to that which has none.