My current computer, in addition to 'DOS,' has 'Windows,' which is another invention of Bill Gates, designed as a security measure to thwart those users who are somehow able to get past DOS.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

I live by never saying what if?...

It is a distinguishing feature of natural therapies that they are straightforward and reliable enough to safely do on your own, at home.

If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it's moving you away from your goals.

Respect yourself, your Opponent and the Game

I see how 14-year old girls react to me and I think I'm a good role model. Rockstar maybe not, but I'm willing to play with it for a little while, until my hair gets gray.

Courage is nothing more than taking one step more than you think you can.

Every numerous assembly is a mob; everything there depends on instantaneous turns.

Only when men are connected to large, universal goals are they really happy-and one result of their happiness is a rush of creative activity.

I've never understood why people run to get out of the rain in the summertime... People will drive miles and miles to go jump in a cool swimming hole, but when it rains, they scatter.

Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle. Valerie: Think it'll work? Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.