My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?

Each day is a giftTo embrace and welcome

Survival is a passive way of saying “my needs are greater than yours.

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

I know that when I get in there and I leave that cage I will leave with more than I came in.

I almost never get lonely. I love being alone. I'm glad I'm married, and I love my wife. But there's never been a situation in my life where my unhappiness was based on loneliness.

Hillary Clinton doesn't have the strength or the stamina to make America great again. Believe me.

The problem of birth control and voluntary barrenness is poisoning the very fountains of life and defying God's injunction to multiply and replenish the earth.

Love was without beginning, is, and shall be without ending.

In politics there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers, and then there are those like John McCain who use their careers to promote change.