My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

There are sufficient resources in the world for the needs of everybody, but not enough for the greed of even a significant minority.

Love your work and success is your next customer.

When the guys test for the steroids, they should have no more fights.

Even the written history [of Abraham Lincoln's times] is poorly understood by most people.

I love to compete. I competed in 40-50 matches internationally all across the world. I'm young, I'm healthy, and I love to compete. If I don't compete, I'll get bored.

Some people can get away with being very sexy to men and not looking like a complete cow, but I didn't think I was in a position where people knew me well enough

A free people [claim] their rights as derived from the laws of nature, and not as the gift of their chief magistrate.

Everybody's different and every person is different and every actor's different and everybody has different wants and needs, but I'm a kid who loved comic books my whole life.

The success of a leader will rise or fall on the decisions that he or she makes about the people around him or her.