My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Speed is dangerous if your direction is wrong.

Authors are partial to their wit, 'tis true, But are not critics to their judgment, too?

I'd rather break stones on the king's highway than hem a handkerchief.

You get thought of in terms of your last job. So if my last job is that of a meat cleaver-wielding character, I will hardly be cast as some benign, older gentleman.

Adrian Lyne is such an incredible director.

Your problem is to bridge the gap which exists between where you are now and the goal you intend to reach.

I spent most of my time wrestling looking up at the lights.

The ones that love us least, are the ones we'll die to please.

Meeting people in a genuine way and feeling like there is a vital and meaningful connection going on makes me come alive.