My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

Sometimes we have spent so long in the cage that it feels safer to be trapped inside.

I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay.

Pleasured equallyIn seeking as in finding, Each detail minding, Old Walt went seekingAnd finding.

I felt ridiculously self-conscious, like the stick of celery at a luxurious buffet.

There's plenty of anger among Muslims in the world right now. How can you have more?

Humanity is so constituted that the basest criminal represents you and me, as well as the most glorious saint that walks on high. We are reflected in all other men; all other men are embodied in us.

The new century will see changes that will dwarf those of the last.

I was raised in Brooklyn, and I lived there for 59 years.

The hand of the Creator is actively involved in every atom, every plant, every creature, and yourself, in every cell in your body.

so full of shapes is fancy