My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

This seems to me a philosophical question, and therefore irrelevant, question. A poet's destiny is to love.

We cannot control what emotions or circumstances we will experience next, but we can choose how we will respond to them.

It is well-known what a middleman is: he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.

Anybody that wants to walk out that door and leave home for a few months and rely on themselves instead of fate might have some interesting stories to tell.

I tell my children that a man like Bill Gates has a personal fortune of $100 billion. They can't even comprehend that. Then I explain that he has more money than some countries.

Allah is Most Merciful even when He sends us trials, for even His punishment is for our own good.

The gospel is only good news when we understand the bad news.

The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is.

I'm a maniac, and everyone on this stage is stupid, fat and ugly. And Ben [Carson] you're a terrible surgeon.

It's a myth that older writers can't write for younger audiences. Shakespeare wasn't 15 when he wrote Romeo and Juliet.