My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

Life is like a painting

I have always been on speaking terms with God, especially now. God and I just had a few weeks of silence. 'Tis over now.

I have been through various fitness regimes. I used to run about five miles a day and I did aerobics for a while.

Ideas are like everything else. They've got to be marketed.

AWWW ON THE MAIL. The mail man delivers, once again!

Food banking as well as other antihunger programs do a good job of managing poverty by alleviating its worst symptom, hunger.

It is not how tall you are, it is how GOOD you are.

Divisions are imaginary lines drawn by small minds.

Art is a jealous mistress.

Great Homer's birthplace seven rival cities claim, Too mighty such monopoly of Fame.