My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

Be a poet in action as well as in words.

Fear is natural, but love is eternal. Never be fearful of love.

To master magical realism, one must make the real seem unreal but, more importantly, make the unreal seem real.

I'm very relaxed. I have a family, I have a partner of 20 years, I have a wonderful life; nothing could be better.

If you're studying Buddhism you never really have enough time because you're going to die.

The only people who can really drain your power effectively are people you are very close to, you are open to, you love, or people you are afraid of, you fear.

On this day I want to tell you about, which will be about a thousand years from now, there were a boy, a girl and a love story.

I'm the only comedian qualified to navigate a supertanker.

Being in your forties - any woman who isn't there yet, I just have to say to you: Euphoria is coming to you.

NBA games are exciting to watch and have global appeal. They are very popular in China. I do watch NBA games on television when I have time.