My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

I like life. It's something to do.

A writer can never escape the labyrinth of words inside his mind.

The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him.

So science alone cannot solve this problem [mass extinction of humans]. It's something that we can only tackle by bringing science together with culture, economics, and even politics.

The greatest thing you can do for your competition - hire poorly.

The unfortunate thing is, for the contents of the building I could not get any insurance anywhere in Canada.

Proper punctuation is both the sign and the cause of clear thinking.

It's a skill that I worked all my life, and it's been taken away. That's kind of tough to take.

To be entirely free, and at the same time entirely dominated by law, is the eternal paradox of human life.

If you don't keep and guard and mature your force, and above all, have time and quiet to perfect your work, you will be writing things not much better than you did five years ago.