My doctor told me i had Attention Deficit Disorder. He said, 'ADD is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah,' I didn't pay attention to the rest.

I think comedians start off as pranksters or something.

A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see.

I have a swastika tattoo on my arm, but it's just because I like right-hand turns.

I think a bird is the worst present you can give somebody because it's guilt-ridden. This animal has the gift of flight, and you put it in a cage and watch it not do that until it dies.

I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating.

I like to edit; I like to work with other people, and that's something stand-up doesn't really have.

Very specifically, Nickelodeon is aimed at eight- and nine-year-olds.

Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies.

My big influences are piano artists like Billy Joel and Elton John.

Love is the power to see similarity in the dissimilar.

A year ago I had a back injury and followed a good nutrition program to help speed up my recovery. I focused on exercise and staying healthy in order to get back out on the ice.

When you leave a pimp, you leave with nothing.

Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent; got kiss myself I'm so pretty.

You live you die and death not ends it.

Nothing to build, and all things to destroy.

The standards you establish for others must reflect the standards you set for yourself. No one will follow a hypocrite.

Now, ignorance is one thing, ignorance can be cured. But many of the Republican leaders opposing this research know better.

Croatia did not want Europe to be divided as to the start of Croatia's EU entry talks.

I will live a hope-filled life every day. I will handle my problems as opportunities in a different, more effective manner, based on the power of advanced mathematics; "You + God = Enough