My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

We need to practice for 10000 hours

If you pray with your knees bow, you surrender to God.

Of course, that’s how life is. A turn of events may seem very small at the time it’s happening, but you never really know, do you? How can you?

Words!The Way is beyond language, for in it there is no yesterday no tomorrow no today.

She deceiving I believing What need lovers wish for more?

Scholars are those who have read in books, but thinkers, men of genius, world-enlighteners, and reformers of the human race are those who have read directly in the book of the world.

Put on a trench, you're suddenly Audrey Hepburn walking along the Seine.

Well," Claire said, "at least we have tacos. Everything goes better with tacos.

None are happy but by anticipation of change.

Someone who does not see a pane of glass is not aware of not seeing it.