My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

I am trying to both be happy and pay attention to the world around me. I do not know if it is possible to do both at the same time.

True love is not giving power to the other person, but instead is empowering you to make that person happy.

I want to assure you that working in transition period is an ungrateful job for any honest government.

Donald's Trump entire campaign is a self-troll. It's very meta.

Habit is a second nature, and what was at first pleasure, is next necessity.

My mother would thump me sharply on the head with a thimble or a spoon if I became too noisy with the whistle when I was playing I was a steamboat captain. She had no sense of the dignity of command.

Sometimes you gotta go with your first instinct. You gotta go with your gut. That's kind of how I live my life, you gotta go with your gut.

I don't know if my wife left me because of my drinking or I started drinking 'cause my wife left me.

Self-recognition, the self-contemplation of spirit is the primary movement out of which all creativeness proceeds.

Ain't nuttin' to it,but ta do it!