My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Breathe deeply and remember to love.

After coming to God and being revived spiritually, every person should grow spiritually

He remembers what I forget and I remember what he forgets. It's too late for either of us to make another old friend.

In God's strength I could battle the giants. Alone, I was just a grasshopper.S

We all use dishwashers every day and yet none of us would say that we're experts on dishwashers, but somehow we all think we're experts on movies.

Gary Allan has long been one of country's most reliably velvet-voiced beautiful losers.

I've had teammates I didn't get along with, who hasn't? I've never had a teammate call me a bad guy, while he was my teammate, and if he did when I was gone what kind of teammate was he anyway?

Love is life's snow. It falls deepest and softest into the gashes left by the fight - whiter and purer than snow itself.

I like actors. I like their insecurities, their humor and their intelligence.

The weak have no place here, in this life or any other life. Weakness leads to slavery. Weakness leads to all kinds of misery, physical and mental. Weakness is death.