My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I think we each come out of the womb with some unique way of looking at the world and if we don't express it, we loose faith in ourselves.

In life we meet people and they come and go. But, only God will remain the same. Despite what others think, God's love is eternal. No matter who abandons you, God will never leave or forsake you.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. ... I can find no serenity until I accept that person place thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

The people who are running this planet are insane - they are literally destroying it. I don't know where they think they're gonna drink water, breathe air.

Industry need not wish.

I'm really white trash.

The critic lives at second hand. He writes about. The poem, the novel, or the play must be given to him; criticism exists by the grace of other men's genius.

I listen a lot to the incredible young artists who are coming through, which is something that just wasn't possible during Apartheid. That's the way I learn.

I know parts of all the decades come in and out of fashion, but you never get to wear an entire outfit exactly how it was.

Not every light is a true light; To the wise the light of truth is light itself.